COLUMN: What a "Dumb" season
By Colin Altevogt, November 7, 2008
For years, experts have raved about the great parity in the NFL. They beamed at the idea that any team could go from obscurity to glory in one season, bringing up the idea year after year despite the fact that it was absolute crap.
Consider that in the last five seasons, the two best teams in the league were the Indianapolis Colts and the New England Patriots. I’ve got the stats (but not the space) to prove it.
Two injuries changed everything. We are in the midst of the craziest season ever. The best team in the league is led by washed up, 36-year-old Kerry Collins who was described by my buddy Jake Crow as appearing to have “just fixed a toilet.”
With that in mind, there is no movie to describe the season up to now at its halfway point better than “Dumb and Dumber.” Here are the four best quotes from the movie.
“Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?”
“It’s the soup of the day.”
“Mmm. That sounds good. I’ll have that.”
This goes out to the AFC East where Tom Brady’s shattered, infected ACL has caused a bottleneck atop the division. How much money could I have won had I bet that the Patriots, Bills and Jets would all be tied atop the standings with Miami a game back? Somebody find Doc Brown and his flux capacitor.
“Samsonite! I was way off!”
The dumbest line from the movie goes to the dumbest story line of the season. The Titans are undefeated. Coming into the season, I pegged the Titans in last place in the AFC South. Now, a mentally unstable Vince Young is benched and Tennessee is outplaying Indianapolis on Monday night. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!
“Big gulps, eh? All right! Welp, see ya later.”
Perhaps the most quoted line from the movie goes to Jacksonville, a team who we’re already saying goodbye to halfway through the season. Sports columnists on ESPN were picking the Jaguars to win the Super Bowl. Now they’re 3-5 and looking up in the standings to Miami and Baltimore. Oops.
“So you’re telling me there’s a chance…YES!”
You knew it was coming so bear with me, the Colts are still in decent shape. Last Sunday’s win over New England keeps us alive. Tennessee, four games ahead with the tiebreaker, essentially has the division clinched. I also see the Colts losing in Pittsburgh this weekend.
Then the schedule lightens up, and it’s not out of the question to think that the Colts could win out. That would earn us a wild card and a first round game in Denver. From there, it would probably be the divisional round at Tennessee followed by the conference championship in Pittsburgh.
Of course, this hope is what’s keeping me afloat right now. How do I like these odds? Not good.
Not good like one out of a hundred?
I’d say more like one out of a million…
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