Opinion: Letter of resignation, $1,000; expressing creativity, priceless

Remember those commercials for Axe deoderant a while back that featured the one-upper? Well I think I just found the ultimate one-upper.

I was searching around eBay the other night, because that’s one of my first stops when looking for a good topic for a column. I checked the “Weird Stuff” section, and the first result that came up was truly weird.

This eBay user has worked at his company for the past 15 years. But due to conflicting views, the eBay user has decided to quit.

How did I learn all this?

The user is selling the chance to write his letter of resignation. For $1,000.

The individual is auctioning off 10 blank pieces of paper featuring his company’s letterhead, and the winner will be able to write the resignation letter. It will not be edited before he submits it, but there are some guidelines, such as no threats, derogatory statements and no references to anything illegal.

Other than that, the user said, “[E]verything else is acceptable…” and we should “let [our] imagination and creativity run wild.”

If you readers could see me right now, you would see my eyes get as wide as saucers.

This is a golden opportunity, and it would be foolish to pass such a golden opportunity up. As long as nothing unacceptable is said, you’re golden. You could say anything. One example on the site was “I am the Messiah and…”

I may have to fork over $1,000 pretty soon. Granted I don’t have that kind of money to spend, but this is the type of opportunity I really need to take.

Because given the chance to write a letter of resignation for someone else, I would not hesitate to make it as crazy and wild as possible. I’ve actually already started:

Dear Boss,

I was diligently working late the other night, when I was abducted by aliens. It was a very horrible and traumatic experience. Now, every time I come into the office, those aliens are all I can think about. So, I’m going to have to leave the company.

Not too bad for a first draft.

Dear Boss,

I am living a double life as a secret agent. I can no longer juggle both lives, and have decided to stick with saving the world. Sorry for the trouble.

This is more believable than the first.

Dear Boss,

I have terminal lung cancer.

Wow. Talk about morbid.

I strongly urge everyone to place a bid on this “item.” This would be the perfect opportunity to let your imagination go wild and be as creative as possible. This would be a great learning experience. And a lot of fun.

Just imagine telling this story to a friend: “I wrote a letter of resignation for a total stranger.”

Now that’s what I call one-upping.